Innocence
by Asphodel Lives
Summary: Something terrible happened when Kate was a teenager...This is why she wanted to go into Law Enforcement.
1. Beginning

OK, this is set when Kate was a teenager. It's very angsty. It will continue.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own them.

She stood silently, the crystalline reflection of the white, pale glass reminding her of what she had done. She had always been pure, magical. 'She has a solid future ahead of her'. That's what everyone would say. If only they knew.

She didn't mean for it to happen. It was just one tiny thought at the back of her soul that was let out. It escaped from the closed box in which she kept her secrets, deep inside her soul. And in that one second she knew that nothing could ever be the same again. She wasn't pure anymore. She was older, and dark.

She had always managed to be alone. Even when she wanted so much just to have someone hold her, just to be comforted for one night. But no, she put on a cold demeanor, reflecting a personality of selfishness and shallowinity. Though she wasn't like that at all. She though about other people more than anyone realized. She was broken, and nobody saw, nobody helped and nobody cared.

Please R+R if you think I should continue. Chapter 2 is so much better though. Ok, I admit, I've already written it!


	2. The difference

Chapter 2

The floor creaked beneath her feet as she padded out of her bedroom door, throwing a

quick glance at the clock on the wall. It was three AM, her daily 'sneak – out' time. She opened the window, feeling the familiar feeling of spontaneity and excitement creeping up her spine. She loved this, the power that came from knowing that she was in control for once, not her father who was drinking half the time and sleeping for the rest. She climbed out onto the fire escape, quickly trotting down the steel, cold stairs, shivering yet fully aware of her surroundings.

She had been doing this for about six months now. Sneaking out at three AM, needing some peace, finality and distance. Distance from her family from hell. Every family is unique, sure. But not like this. Her father, a drunk. Her mother was struggling with two jobs, trying to support a family of six. Her brothers she never saw. They were always out, away, probably shooting up or something. Her sister had a job. Yeah, she had a jem of a job working as a stripper at a 'man's club.'

This is why she did it, why she snuck out to meet her friends' and do……things.

Kate walked across the street, ignoring the lustful stares of the men walking the street. She walked straight across, and into the graveyard that she haunted by night. Matt and Josh were waiting for her, grins plastered across their faces. They were her best friends, and had been since the seventh grade. They walked together yet alone, each facing the personal demons that tortured their souls. Kate shivered as she saw three men walking towards them, with faces of steel, steel that nothing could ever break. Matt gripped her arm as he realized that the three were heading right towards them, shoulders' hunched, hands drooping. Except for one, he had a hand behind his back. Kate shuddered, wondering what was going to happen. Her own personal nightmare was becoming real. She was trapped by these men, with no escape, and the people who she loved most were with her – they could be lost too.

BAM. It happened just like that. Kate looked down and realized that she wasn't clean, her white shirt had been stained, just like her soul. It was crimson and moving, pouring in pain down her face. She was relieved as she realized that she was ok, not shot. But next to her, lying in the red darkness, was her heart. Matt and Josh were lying, not moving, quiet as air, white faces stained with darkness and red daggers. Kate screamed, trying to race after the three men who took her whiteness, but still rooted still. She couldn't move, so she just sat, still, silent and hoping that there was a god to help her.

Ok! The present comes next chapter! Please R+R!


	3. Future

Disclaimer: I do not own anyone.

Author's Notes: This is VERY depressing. This is set about 7 years ahead from chapter 2. Sorry I haven't updated, but I've had the pleasure of my GCSEs (I guess kinda like the American SAT) recently. Please R+R. Sorry it's short, I'm working on a really long next chapter. I know the beginning is kinda confusing.

Kate reflected on the past, silently praying that she could descend into darkness, never to be seen again. Seven years, her mother had breast cancer and died. Six years ago, her drunken father took off. Seven years ago, her friends were killed in front of her, their crimson darkness tainting her innocence. Six months ago, a woman had come to her, claiming to be her birth mother. 'I was fifteen when I had you, so I had to give you up' is what she had said. She was killed three days ago, by a brain tumor.

She stood silently, looking into the dark abyss that had become her life. She had no friends that were alive, no family, except two dead mothers and a deadbeat father. She was alone. She liked to think that she wanted it that way, that her life was pointless if she was not alone because really, she felt most alone at the times when she was surrounded by people. But now she had pushed everyone away, she had made herself alone, and for the first time, she felt lonely.

That morning, Kate had buried her mother. Her real mother. God she hated that, though. How could she be called real? Did that mean that her other mother wasn't? That she was a figment of her imagination? Kate stood there for hours debating this. It was unfair, how was she ever supposed to deal with losing a mother, gaining a mother then losing her again? It was so unfair.

She stood there, on the porch, looking out to the stars. She knew what she was looking for, and also knew that she could never find it. Her mother was gone, but sometimes, Peyton could see her spirit among the stars, moon and Earth.

With that in mind, solace seeped through her nerves, and she felt less alone. She moved into the house, kicking the door shut on the way.

She walked into the kitchen, fingering the picture of her best friends. Her dead best friends. Yeah. Her eyes clouded over as the earlier solace lost itself into the darkness. She felt guilty. How could she have felt good when everyone she loved was dead? That was all she thought as she donned her sweatpants and took off for a run, the only way for her to clear her mind.

As she tortured her body for her mind's insistence, she felt the crimson death all over her. She had blood. She was real. She didn't want to be real. Kate was happy at that moment. She felt alone and unwanted, she felt real because she had blood. But if she lost the red purity, then she would not be real, she would descend into dark poison, just how her friends did.

So when she got home, she took out a knife, the silver pure and white contrasting against the dark night. She had to stop the blood. She had to feel as her friends did, to not be real. She took the silver moon, sliding it across the pale flesh of her wrist, her heart strengthening as she saw the poison that made her real dripping to the floor. She repeated, and then lost herself to the darkness.


	4. Light

Ok, chapter 4 up! I'm really pleased with the amount of reviews, please continue! Anyway, this is kind of a lighter chapter, however it is quite short. Sorry, but I had geography and math GCSE exams today, and have English Language tomorrow, I'll try to do some more on Saturday. Hope you like this!

Kate woke up sometime later, the fresh metallic smell plaguing her nostrils. Nobody had found her. Of course nobody had, who would? She had tried to forget….tried to make the pain go away but it wouldn't. That was the hardest thing of all, to realize that she didn't kill herself, and the pain was still there, and would always be there.

She winced as the crimson pain left her body, and made it's way to the floor. She was still bleeding. Maybe if she waited long enough, the loss of blood would kill her. Hopefully.

But she didn't want to stain her mother's white carpet. So she got up and grabbed a cloth from the bathroom, the pain in her heart increasing with every step.

She hated this, she hated everything, she hated her life. She walked out into her bedroom, laying on the pink covers. She didn't sleep, didn't think. She just lay there, for what seemed like hours. She found herself floating in a bubble, white and crisp and innocent, so innocent. It reminded her of a time when she was pure, unbroken and whole.

She suddenly spotted something shining in the light, long, flowing golden hair. She was silenced as she realized who it was: Her mother, the first one. She was standing, glistening like a star in the sunny place. Small glasses covered her sparkling blue eyes, and she was wearing white, a long, glowing white dress. Seeing her made something inside Kate stir. She had her mother's memory.

All this time, for years, Kate thought she had nothing, thought she was alone. But she realized then that she was never alone. Her mothers were always there, glistening in the sunshine of her subconscious. She was bathed in light, and saw a silver moon, her future. She had never even thought of it before, but she had a future.

She had a future. She watched the sparkling bubble space out into infinity, and she was left alone again, the warm, full feeling replaced by the normal cold. But then she thought. She didn't have to feel this cold all the time. She had felt warm, and she liked it. She could feel warm again, she just had to hang on to that glistening feeling, and she could be free again. She had wanted to protect herself from the world, and now she realized:

_I don't want to protect myself from love and the world. I want to go chasing after it._

With that as her last thought, Kate slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, grabbing some dettol, gauze and a damp washcloth, cleaning the crimson poison from her life. She would get over this, and would have a life, if she had to live to do it.

_Bubble_

_You watch as I sit,_

_Staring out the window_

_As I cry,_

_Surrounded by grief_

_In a clouded bubble,_

_Grey with sadness,_

_You weep over me_

_As I lay, forgotten,_

_Tired by life's untimely end._


	5. Life

Ok, this is going to be the last chapter, I ran out of ideas of what to do to Kate so decided to do a sort of coda. Sorry, I'm just a better depressing writer and now that Kate's all sunny, what could I do?

Kate stepped into the sunlight. It seemed as if she had been in the dark forever. She looked into the sunshine, and realized how much she had missed it. These past few years, it had been as if she were a zombie, walking around in a cold craze, having nothing to do with the outside world. She felt fresh and new, like she was seeing the world for the first time.

She knew that she had a lot to do, but she couldn't help it. She missed the darkness, missed just being there without seeming to exist, without thoughts and feelings plaguing her mind. She missed just purely existing without seeming to be a part of the world.

She quickly pushed the thoughts from her mind, knowing what they could do to her, realizing how they could take over and she could be pushed into the dark once again.

She did then what she always did when she was tempted to the poison: She thought of her reason for wanting to live: Her mother wanted her to have a future, and so she did as well. She had gone to school this morning, meeting the principle. She had wanted to get back on track school wise, so told the principle that without telling him anything else. She needed to keep her secret, after all.

She sat down on the green, warm grass in the park and contemplated. She contemplated a future, her past and her present.

She knew that she ad to stay and finish school. Then maybe college. Her grandfather had been a lawyer, maybe that was her destiny as well. Because she had lost so much family, Kate felt a need for her career to connect her to it, she needed to feel that her family was still a part of her.

With this in mind, she strolled along the grass, into the sunshine, smiling at the thought of having a future.


End file.
